Relationship Advice From A Romantic Guy

Thoughtful Advice On Love, Romance And Relationships

I Love My Former Girlfriend
Prerit Asks How Long Should He Wait For His Former Girlfriend

Prerit asks:
I am in love with my former girlfriend. Our romantic relationship lasted five months. They were the best five months of my life. Besides being my girlfriend, she was also my best friend. I shared everything with her. She loved me like crazy. She always used to say that I distracted her from her studies because she was always thinking about me.

One day, I didn't trust her enough and I followed her when she went to see a movie with a male friend. She told me about him. He is just a friend, but I was still angry that she didn't tell me that she was going to see a movie with him. As she came out of the theater, I lost my temper and I started yelling at my girlfriend in front of everyone. She said that if I can't trust her, we can't have a romantic relationship. We broke up and it was the worst day of my life.

That was three months ago and the friendship between us is as strong as ever. We still share with each other every small detail of our lives. I still comfort her when she is upset. Besides her family, I am still the most important person in her life. In one way or another, she always says that she needs me.

The problem is that she doesn’t want to be romantically involved with me but she can't give me a reason why? I still love her like crazy. I know there's something in her heart for me, but she doesn’t want to show it.

I thought her reason could be that she wants to concentrate on her studies. I told her I can wait until she completes her studies, but she doesn’t say anything.

Should I wait for her to come around? If so, how long should I wait?
________________________________________

Dear Prerit,
I think you know you made a HUGE mistake when you followed your girlfriend and when you yelled at her in front of everyone. That incident could forever end any chance of you again having a romantic relationship with her. I think for you two to have any chance of getting back together, she needs to be able to forgive you. To help her get to that place, you need to make it crystal clear to her that you know you messed up and how very sorry you are about how you acted that day.

Here is what I think you should do:
1. You need to admit to your former girlfriend that you were wrong and apologize for your behavior that day. Here is what you could say:
I am very sorry about the incident at the movie theater. I was wrong and I know I royally messed things up between us. I am sorry that I didn't trust you enough that day. You did nothing to deserve that. I am sorry I lost my temper and yelled at you in front of everyone. You did nothing to deserve that. I love you and you deserved better from me. I wish with all my heart that I could change that day, but I can't. What I can do is to let you know how very sorry I am.
Notice there is no groveling. There is no begging for forgiveness. There is no mention of restoring your romantic relationship. It is only admitting you were wrong and apologizing to your former girlfriend for your behavior.

2. Every time the incident at the movie theater is brought up, you need to tell your former girlfriend all over again how sorry you are.

3. You should wait for your former girlfriend to fully appreciate how sorry you are about the incident and for her to forgive you. How long will that take? It depends how upset your former girlfriend was. It could be months. What if she never forgives you? Then I think you need to move on with your life. You will never have the relationship you want with her if she is incapable of forgiving you when (not if) you mess up.

I hope you have spent the last three months letting your former girlfriend know how badly you feel about that day. If she has forgiven you, I would wait a month or two before you try to explore the possibility of reestablishing your romantic relationship.

Something you should consider is that just because your former girlfriend forgives you does not mean that the friends and family members that she told the story to have forgiven you. They can be a huge obstacle to the two of you resuming your romantic relationship. What can you do about it? Probably nothing, but you should keep in mind that it might be something that is holding her back.

The next thing to consider is, what are you looking for in life? Where do you want to live? What job do you want? When (or if) you want to get married? How many children do you want? And where does a woman fit into your hopes and dreams? What kind of woman would be the best partner for you in life? From your letter, it sounds like one of the things you want is a relationship with a woman that is not only your girlfriend, but also your friend.

Now, look at where you are in life. You are not her boyfriend, but you are also not completely out of her life. You are stuck in limbo with this woman. You are not getting the affection that you want from her and not moving toward finding that with another woman. It is not what you hoped for or planned for your life.

From her side, she has you as a friend and companion without having to be your girlfriend. While that may be working for her, it clearly isn't working for you.

The next step is to sit down with your former girlfriend and have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell her what a sad time the last few months have been for you. Tell her of your sorrow for causing the break up. Apologize again for the way you acted. Tell her how you miss the happy times you had as a couple. Tell her you missed being loved by her. Tell her you want a woman in your life that is not only your girlfriend, but also your best friend. Then, tell her you want her to be that woman in your life again...

Once you have said all that, stop talking and listen to what she has to say. If she says, she wants that too, then the two of you might discuss how you can slowly reestablish your romantic relationship.

If she tells you she is not ready for that or that is not what she wants right now, she is telling you, at least at this point in her life, she isn't the woman you are looking for. I would tell her that if she does not want to be your best friend as well as your girlfriend, then you need to find a woman that wants to be both for you.

In a very gentle way, you are telling your former girlfriend that you need to move on with your life. When she hears that, she might reconsider her choice right then, she might reconsider in a few days. Either way, you have put her on notice that she can't put you on hold forever. She either wants a romantic relationship with you or you need to find a woman that does. It is a fairly gentle way to force her hand and require her to make a choice.

So my bottom line answers are:

1. Should I wait for your former girlfriend to come around?
It seems to me that you have a lot emotionally invested in this woman. I think it would make sense to see if you can work things out with her.

2. How long should I wait?
If you can't patch up your romantic relationship within six months after the break up, I would start the process of moving on with your life.

Listen to your Inner Voice

Listen to your Inner Voice

Always be the first rate version of yourself rather than the second rate version of someone else. You will be successful only if you listen to your heart. Many successful people in life have done this. Unfazed by their past and unfazed by their future, they did what their heart sanctioned. Thus they sought what they really wanted. Do what is you! Anything else will be suicide of your soul.
There are movies, people, ads and voices telling you what you must be and how you must live to fit in. But you don’t need this glove. You must find out what are you? Find out people whom you love and who genuinely love you. Earn money, fulfill your wishes and needs, honor God and die peacefully.
Remember, God has his hand on your head. You are insured. Just believe in Him. You must take risks and get what you want. If not now, when are you going to seize your happiness? Follow the sign of God as his hand and he will take you to your dream destination. For years, I was doing things that never ever touched me. Saying no was not difficult. But finding out what I really wanted to do was difficult. Today I am doing what I always wanted to do.
Life itself is a proper binge. Don’t get confused. If you want to have a cake and keep it too then bake two. There is always a conflict in our hearts. And that is between what we are and what we are expected to be. And sometimes, we choose the comfort of the other role. And then we blame that we never got a chance. But you never think about the options. You have right to move out of dead jobs, dead relationships. You could have died last night. But you are alive this morning so that you can do something different. Be loyal to your soul. If morals aren’t being mauled and others aren’t being hurt then nothing should stop you to move ahead. Listen to your inner voice. If we don’t trust our inner voices then whom are we going to trust?

The Principle of Happiness

Chapter One

The Principle of Happiness

The Fourfold Path to Achieving True Happiness

There are numerous ways to become happy, but the kind of happiness I am talking about is not the sort you can enjoy only in this world. It is a joy that carries over from this world to the next. We’re exploring principles of happiness that apply to the past, the present, and the future. The starting point of these principles is willingness to explore Right Mind.
Every individual has a diamond within, and this pure diamond represents Right Mind. The diamond within everyone is essentially the same, the only difference being the level of refinement and the brilliance of the diamond, which is the result of numerous incarnations. Those who make the effort to polish the diamond within become angels of light. So if you continue to refine your inner diamond, it will surely shine.
To make your diamond shine brightly, you must put forth constant and tireless efforts. Through daily effort to explore Right Mind, you will develop the spiritual discipline that allows you to discover your true nature and enter the next stage, in which you seek true happiness.


Love


The first principle of happiness is love. This love is not the kind of love that you expect to receive from others. The love that I teach at Happy Science is love that gives. The true nature of love that gives is based on awakening to the fact that all human beings are essentially one with others. Even if you seem to have a personality completely different from anyone around you, your true nature is essentially the same as the true nature of everyone else. This is the basis of true love. It is only because you think you are separate from other people that friction and discord arise. Once we have awakened to the fact that essentially we are all one, we naturally come to love one another. We may have different personalities, but each of us is expected to realize our common spiritual essence while valuing our individuality.
What exactly does it mean to love others? It means wishing for the good of others, and wishing to nurture others without expecting anything in return. It is a selfless love, detached from personal desire. Because your essence and the essence of others is the same, you are required to love others just as you love yourself. It is easy to love ourselves; it’s not something we need to be taught. But unfortunately, once we have been born into a physical body and experience ourselves as separate and distinct, we forget to love others. This is why we need to learn to practice love that gives.


Wisdom


The second principle of happiness is wisdom. It is important to have a correct knowledge of spiritual Truth. Without this knowledge of Truth, human beings cannot be free in the truest sense. Some religions don’t understand this concept. Many dedicated religious people believe that only their particular brand of religion can save people, because they don’t know that Truth can also be found in other religions. Such confusion is very sad. To avoid this, you need to have correct knowledge of the Truth. This is the real meaning of the phrase “The Truth will set you free” (John 8:32).


Reflection


The third principle of happiness is reflection, which is closely related to the cultivation of Right Mind. We are essentially all children of God with brilliantly shining souls. However, just as a diamond accumulates dirt if it is neglected, our souls inevitably collect dust and grime as we live in this world. Our life mission is to refine the soul.
Of course, there may be help from an outside power; it’s like getting help from a specialist, and sometimes we need that help. But instead of doing nothing while waiting for help, we need to get busy polishing our own diamond. If we do not refine ourselves, what is the meaning of practicing spirituality?
During the process of refinement, mistakes sometimes occur. If you realize you’ve made a mistake, who can correct it except you? Although someone else could wash your body, only you can cleanse your soul. Reflection is based on the power of the self to actively accept the challenge of spiritual refinement and improving oneself through one’s own efforts. Reflection helps us to see what needs to be polished. Start by reflecting on your past thoughts and deeds. There’s no point in gold plating rusty metal. If there is rust beneath, the shiny surface will soon peel away.


Progress


Reflection precedes the fourth principle of happiness: progress. Progress is the development of the self, of others, and of society. The ultimate goal is to create a utopia, an ideal world on earth. If people seek progress without the practice of reflection, they will most likely face difficulties before they attain success. Only when you have attained a certain level of enlightenment through the practice of loving and saving others can you advance to the spiritual dimension where there is no darkness, no evil or shadow, only light.
Most people first need to practice reflection in the world of duality, and once they have finished cleansing their souls, they can enter the world where only light exists. It is an undeniable fact that there are distinct levels in the spirit world that correspond to one’s spiritual vibrations and state of mind, and one must progress from one stage to the next. The spirits in the fourth dimension cannot leap straight to the eighth dimension; they first need to attain mastery of the fifth dimension. The spirits in the fifth dimension must first aim to go to the sixth dimension, then to the Bodhisattva Realm of the seventh, then to the Tathagata Realm of the eighth dimension. This is how progress can be achieved on the path of reflection, for without the feeling of making progress, you cannot feel truly happy.